Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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