I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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