Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
only you would photoshop your dick
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
