I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
