hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
