You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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