Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
