Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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