Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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