nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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