I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
