I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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