We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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