this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
