i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
