I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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