She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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