there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
