Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
