you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
