Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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