how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
