Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
