When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
