we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
