omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
