coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
