I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
