I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
