the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
