I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
