alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
