An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
