If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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