I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
