fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
