you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
