She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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