i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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