I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
