I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
