I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
