Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
