Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We need to get me chipped asap
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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