Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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