the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
