I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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