And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
