The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
