Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Randomize
