he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
