you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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