Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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