And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
